March 2, 2006
How do you investigate your teen without breaking the trust?
How do you investigate your teen without breaking the trust?
asked by a WHS parent at the Parent Corps meeting
answered by Ms. Jane Van Wagoner
First you must truly feel that your teen is in trouble. This might be a gut feeling or actual proof.
It is most important to have consistently modeled for your teen that they can trust you and talk to you. Dr. William Glasser, M.D., in his book Unhappy Teenagers – A way for parents and teachers to reach them—states, “If your teen can talk freely with you and believe you are not judging him or trying to control him, he will be more likely to listen to your advice and there is less chance that he will become addicted.” (to drugs or/and alcohol).
You want to develop a strong trusting relationship with your teen. Let them know you trust them unless there is something that happens that may cause you to be suspicious. Have this talk with your teen before a problem arises. Set the rules as to what your expectations are. An example of a conversation between you and your teen might be; “I will not invade your room unless I become concerned that you might be using drugs or abusing alcohol. If that happens I will sit down with you and talk to you. I have the right after we have talked to search your room.” Never search your child’s room without letting them know in advance and letting them be aware that there will be consequences for inappropriate behavior. As a parent, don’t give up your power. It is your house and you are the person in charge. Always be fair, firm and consistent with your child/teen. Keep an open dialogue with them. Talk daily about things that matter and let them know your feelings and expectations.
Three books I would recommend reading are:
1. Boundaries with Teens—When To Say Yes, How to Say No—Dr. John Townsend
2. A Survival Guide to the adolescent brain for you and your teen—Why Do They Act That Way? David Walsh, PHD
3. Unhappy Teenagers—A way for parents and teachers to reach them—William Glasser, M.D.
If you have further questions, you can reach me at my office at 714-738-1733.
Ms. Jane Van Wagoner, who has created and advised a Peer Counseling program for 16 years at Walnut High School, is also a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who has been in private practice at Fullerton since 1986.
She gives these words of advice.
Posted by Mi Sun Kim at 6:18 PM